The Church Ladies - Chapter 1

Mia is going to be baptized this Sunday, so last Sunday I took her to church. No, not her usual trip to the church nursery; she actually went to the church service. Yes, it was Mother's Day, but I had to go as a single parent. Jeff had earned some downtime, since he'd been up with Mia since a clap of thunder woke her up at 5 a.m. As we made our way into church, just a few minutes late, I was carrying Mia and telling her, "Look up there, honey, the church bells are going to ring and they are really pretty, not scary." I knew they were going to go off any minute and didn't want a repeat of last week's terror. I kept repeating, "Here come the bells, they aren't scary" and a nice late-arriving couple in front of me turned around to give me a quizzical look. I then made my first faux pas of the day by explaining, "Last week, the bells scared the... (Oh no, Donna, you are in church, don't say "crap", find another word quick...) ... beejeezus out of her." (Oops.)
The whole point of the trip was to get Mia a bit more comfortable being in the church sanctuary while testing my carefully planned strategies for keeping her reasonably quiet and reasonably still for long enough to get through her baptism ceremony, which happens at about the 20-minute mark in the service. (After that, who cares what she does? We can run out, leaving her red-faced grandmothers behind.) I'd filled her diaper bag with all manner of amusements: 2 of her favorite soft books, favorite teddy bear, glitter pom-poms with 2 zip-lock bags (so she could transfer them between bags, one by one), water-filled sippy cup, and if all else fails.... Gerber veggie crackers. I nearly had to jettison the diapers and wipes to make room for it all.

We entered the sanctuary just before the service began, and I boldly took Mia to a row near the front, thinking if she could see more, she'd last longer. As people turned and smiled at us, I tried to prepare them for the inevitable by whispering, "She's getting baptized next week and we need some practice." They returned kind and knowing smiles. I prefer not to interpret it as pity. As the service began, Mia started squirming almost immediately. I got out her soft "First Words" book and as she pointed to each picture, I whispered the word in her ear. It was really cute, but unfortunately, the book only has about 50 pictures and she doesn't like repeats, so that didn't take long.
Tune in tomorrow for Chapter 2.